Mt. Dew and a Post-it

So, this evening I'm sitting here catching up on my blog reading. That's the time in my day when I sit at the computer, and see which one of my friends has been busily updating their blog for my enjoyment.

For each blog that I follow I've posted their link on my sidebar (right). For the most part the sidebar notifies me when an update to the blog has been made. It's simply an easy task of reading through the latest updates.

There is one exception to the update notification and that is my friend Brendan's blog. For some reason (completely befuddling me), it doesn't alert me when he makes an update. This would be very frustrating if it weren't for the fact that Brendan isn't interested in blogging with regularity. I can check his blog once or twice a month and know if he's updated.

This evening though I was in for a surprise, Brendan Blogged!!

Not only that, he dedicated the entry to me, so I'm returning the favor Bren :)

Here's the entry if you're curious.

In his entry Brendan mentioned that I encouraged him to drink Mt. Dew by purchasing some for him. He also mentions a note in which I point out that the Mt. Dew should be used "only in case of extreme need."

I need to set the record straight I did not write that note to Brendan (sorry to disappoint you Bren). That note (very same piece of paper) was written to me by my good friend Jake out in Utah shortly before I left for my move back to Virginia. As a parting gift Jake handed me a bottle of Mt. Dew and the very note Brendan mentions.

Jake knew I would be driving 36 hours in three days to make it back to Virginia, so Mt. Dew made a great gift. The note amused me so, that I kept it (it was on a Post-it) in my car for awhile. Then looking for something to write on for Brendan's Mt. Dew gift I took the Post-it note and passed it along.

Now, over a year later Brendan has triggered my memory and mentioned a note that has obviously traveled around a good bit and lived a very long life (for a piece of Post-it paper).

This whole episode of Brendan mentioning the note, that was actually written by Jake, also reminds me of how they were able to meet this past summer. Brendan flew out to Salt Lake City for work (oh I was so jealous) and had some free time in his schedule. He ended up attending a picnic with a good number of my friends (I was REALLY jealous). I was happy though that my Utah friends were able to meet one of my Virginia friends and my Virginia friend was able to meet my Utah friends (if only I had been there...can't tell that I was jealous can you?)

Here's a photo I've posted previously, but thought you'd might like to see again. It's of Brendan and Jake at the picnic this past summer (Gosh, I wish I had been there).

Passing on Traditions

Several months back while I was staying the weekend with my Granddad he mentioned to me that he liked cinnamon rolls. I filed that tidbit away, telling myself that I would bring my Granddad some of my homemade cinnamon rolls the next time I came to visit. In the end I actually fulfilled that promise to myself before my next visit when I sent a pan of cinnamon rolls out to Highland County with my parents.

When my parents returned home later that day my Mom very diplomatically told me that Granddad liked the cinnamon rolls I made, but that's not what he had wanted. What my Granddad was after was an old-timey cinnamon roll, HUH?!? I love baking and consider myself knowledgable on the subject, but I've never heard of that.

Sure I had, my Mom informed me, it just happens to be the very thing I had growing up whenever my Mom had leftover pie dough from a pie making day. That was an old-timey cinnamon roll I said.

Here I had gone to the effort of making sweet yeast dough and letting it rise for hours, then letting it rise some more before I baked it. When the very thing my Granddad wanted was a simple pie crust rolled out rectangularly, covered with butter, sprinkled with brown sugar and cinnamon and then rolled into a log. We then take the log and shape it into a wreath like circle and bake for a half an hour at 350 degrees. The brown sugar cinnamon melt into this delicious syrup that is set off by the flakey pie crust, and there you have it, an old-timey cinnamon roll.

The photo is of a old-timey cinnamon roll that my Mom made few weeks back. This is the creation just moments before it went into the oven.

I'm Struggling...

I realized today that it is fairly easy to "open up" on a blog if what you share with the public is causal life stuff (you know my standard blog entry). What's difficult is to openly lay before others the real life stuff that looks terribly ugly. And yet, that's what I feel lead to do.

What's so ugly about where I'm at right now is the gapping emotional wounds that have been inflicted. I want cleansing and healing for them, the last thing I would like is for them to become infected, but I'm still in a state of shock over the events.

To summarize a long and sordid tale I will say that I met up recently with an old friend of mine. We had been very close at one time, even having our own version of a relationship (there was often great physical distances between us that complicated the relationship). During our visit together some things were said and done that was okay for our past together, but not acceptable when I learned yesterday that he was dating someone and had been during our visit together.

I don't know what hurts more, that he brought me into that kind of situation, where I would be party to causing tremendous pain to another third party. Or that he's changed so much over the years that he didn't seem to find issue with his behavior. Even now, there is such a physical pain I experience when I write that last sentence.

Over the years I've known him, I've seen his relationship with the Lord take a wild ride; ups and downs and sharp turns along the way. Yet, I've always held hope and faith for him, that he would return to a sweet relationship with Jesus. Lately, I've been optomistic in our conversations, knowing that he was searching again. Then this happens. Now, the pain I experience is the shattering death of hope.

This isn't how it should be though. God is our hope and salvation. For that reason I want to hold onto hope that my friend will turn his life back to God. That he will stop looking into other relationships for the answers, into his work, or even the other many distractions that this world has to offer.

So, even though I feel pain now, I ask for it to be replaced by hope.

Also, I've come to the decision after these events that I'm more of a stumbling block to this man than I am a helper. That's not a position I ever wanted to be in, so I'm removing myself from the picture. I've told him how I feel, and forgiven what needs to be forgiven. Thus closing my involvement in his life. I pray that the Lord will use me outside of our relationship, and that one day I might hear all is well.

Thank you reading the ugly as well as the beautiful parts of my life. And for your prayers.

Long Absences Make the Heart Grow Fonder...

...or in this case my readership just gets tired of waiting around for me to update my blog, and they go off in search of the "greener pastures" of more fruitful blogs.

And who can blame them, almost three weeks and not a chirp or squeak out of me. You'd think I hadn't anything wonderful to share from the holiday season. At the very least I could have posted messages wishing you all a Merry Christmas or a Happy New Year (which I hoped was had by all).

Nope, you didn't get any of that from me. And yet, if you're reading this post I have some hope that you haven't given up on my entirely in this new year.

So, I ask myself, should I make a New Year's resolution to blog more often? I think not, it would just end in disillusionment and frustration for us all (like most New Year's resolutions). Or should I promise to add colorful photos illustrating each post? Gosh, that would require me actually using my camera on a consistent basis, we know that's not going to happen.

This is what I can tell you if you're still hanging around reading my blog, I'm quite possibly the most fallible human I knowing. Just getting through each day takes the intimate knowledge that God is bestowing His priceless grace upon me. I'm also certain that if you enjoy reading this blog there will come times when I'll need your grace as well.

Welcome 2009 a Year of Peace and Grace!!